Rapper sues Canada, wants Kobe Bryant to testify

Earlier this year, a Detroit-based rapper filed a lawsuit against Canada – yes, the country – for $900 million. At the time, the self-professed hate rapper Jerome Almon, whose songs include such classics as “How Stella Got Her Backhand”, claimed that his right to entertain the throngs of Canadian hip-hop fans was being severely limited because of unusual harassment by pesky and devious Canadian customs officers. Almon alleges that during 117 of his 120 trips north of the border – a whopping 98 percent of the time – he was detained and questioned by Canadian officials.

"My complaint is rather simple. I'm alleging that Canada Customs and Immigration are barring me from entering Canada to conduct business because I'm a black rapper from Detroit," the 41-year old Almon said as he filed his suit. "Their claim is that I have not turned in a police clearance to enter Canada as required by Canada Immigration and that I have a criminal record. Everything stops when the customs people run my name in their computers. Next thing you know there are cops everywhere."

Almon’s hearing has been set for September 22, where he’ll attempt to convince a judge that Canadians as just as disgusted by rap music as they are with NHL teams moving to US cities. To strengthen his case during the hearing, Almon has asked the judge to subpoena an impressive list of his closest “friends” to testify. Jay-Z, Eminem, Condoleeza Rice, Snoop Dogg, Paris Hilton, two Taliban officials, Colin Powell, Martha Stewart, Mick Jagger, Spike Lee and Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant were among the 37 celebrities listed by Almon as potential witnesses who can corroborate his wild claims. It remains to be seen how many of Almon’s powerful allies will actually show up to the hearing – or even has a clue that Almon exists – but it hasn’t stopped the ambitious hip-hopper from trying.

Some may believe that this is all a publicity stunt. And by reporting on the news we’re only propagating the hype. But, the circumstances are simply too bizarre to ignore and leave on the sidelines of the blogosphere.

All we can say is: what a Hoser!