Five things to watch this NBA season

Today is September 17, 2007, and with more than a month left before the start of the NBA season – though we’re eagerly counting down the days to October 30 – it’s still a bit early for a full season preview. Oh yes, we’re definitely writing one though. The season will be previewed for all, with our own unique take no less. What fun would a blog be if we didn’t throw in our own Nostradamus-like predictions along with the rest of the horde? We did it for the NFL season, so it’s only fair that the NBA, which at the end of the day gets the lion’s share of love on Grey Matter, gets its own season preview.

But, we digress.

What is appropriate at this relatively early stage, before training camps starts on October 1 & 2, is a sneak peek into the season ahead with a look at the 5 things to look for during the 2007-2008 NBA season. Our Top Five list vacillates between the intriguing to the outrageous, so here goes:

• You don’t need the NBA National TV schedule to tell you this (although a quick glance shows no less than 3 televised games with these 2 teams involved during the first week), but all eyes will be on Boston and Los Angeles when the NBA season finally gets going around Halloween. Boston for the 2007 version of the Celtic trio, and Los Angeles for week one of the “Kobe/Phil giving up on Lakers management and leaving town” watch. You’ll feel like it’s 1987 all over again. The stock market will be up, up, up, the New York Giants will win the Super Bowl while actually playing defense, Gary Hart will re-visit an old flame, the history channel will run a 42-hour retrospective on the Iran-Contra affair, and you’ll get an awkward desire to listen to Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” and Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” repeatedly on your iPod. All things will be right with the world. Whatever the reasons this time around, in October, Boston and Los Angeles will be the centers of the basketball world once again.

• Do you remember Clarence Stephen Johnson? If you do, give yourself a pat on the back and be content in the knowledge that you are probably one of 12 people in the world that remember this journeyman power forward. Johnson played for 7 different NBA teams during his forgetful NBA tenure from 1981 to 1991. But, he does hold one claim to fame. Johnson holds the NBA record, among those that qualify, for the highest field goal percentage, at .632 percent, for any rookie ever. We bring up Johnson because, although the NBA presumably doesn’t keep this record for futility, Seattle Sonics forward Kevin Durant could very well set the record for the lowest field goal percentage for an NBA rookie, ever. Durant shot just 33 percent during the Las Vegas summer league against his first pseudo-NBA caliber competition. So, the over under on Durant’s field goal percentage for the regular NBA season is probably at an embarrassing 25 percent from the floor. Don’t get us wrong, we strongly believe that Durant will turn out to be easily the best player taken in last season’s draft, and will develop into one of the elite scorers in the game, but in 2007, with no veterans in sight to shoulder the load, the kid, who makes Kate Moss look overweight, will put up more bricks than the Great Wall of China. So, despite his unbelievable talents, look for other rookie of the year candidates, like Mike Conley Jr., Corey Brewer and Al Horford, to challenge Durant for the ROY throne.

• David Stern will seriously consider instituting shoulder pads and helmets for his league’s referees by the third week of the season. Disgraced NBA ref Tim Donaghy will have long faded from the headlines, like exorbitantly high gas prices, Don Imus’ racial slurs and hurricane season, when the NBA kicks of its 2007-2008 campaign. But, the first time an NBA referee blows a call against the home team, zealous fans will surely bring down the “Wrath of Khan” on the poor, unsuspecting referee. If you thought the infamous episode of Ron Artest vs. Pistons Fans got ugly, wait until Dick Bavetta blows a foul call in the final seconds – Tim Donaghy’s ghost will indeed be exorcised to the fullest. In all seriousness though, the way the refs call fouls, particularly during the first month of the season, and whether the frequency, or number of fouls is altered in any way through fan, and sports radio, outcry will bear close watching.

• Look for Steve Nash to once again compete for the league’s MVP, because the charity giving, soccer playing model citizen apparently can’t do any wrong. With Grant Hill in tow and Leandro Barbosa a year better, the Suns could run through the league to claim the best record in 2007-2008 (oops, we’re predicting team results, gotta save it for the season preview), and Nash will get all the credit yet again. In terms of competition for Nash and his MVP run, you can throw in the usual names like Duncan, Nowitzki, LeBron and Bryant, but also keep an eye on Gilbert Arenas (because the Wiz will bounce back this season) and Yao Ming, and/or Tracey McGrady (because the Rockets could finish in the top 3 in the West) with an outside chance at the individual crown.

• Finally, which one of the New York Knickerbockers do you think will be the first to get in trouble with the law, get injured, or say inane things that makes Cletus Del Roy Spuckler from The Simpsons look like a genius? Apparently, the New York players understand that they are in the media capital of the world, because they are really, really good at making headlines. Just look at what went down in Knickerbocker-land this Summer. Discount sneaker salesman Stephon Marbury decreed that dogfighting, unlike curling and pairs figure skating for example, is a legitimate sport, the 6’ 11” and 285 pound Eddie Curry managed to be robbed in his own home (you would think that he could spend some of the millions of dollars he consumes, like so many hamburgers, on a solid security system, or security guards for that matter) and the leader of them all, good ol’ Isaiah Thomas, mapped out meeting minders all over his Outlook Calendar for the court dates stemming from being accused of sexually harassing a former co-worker. What’s next? During the 2007-2008 season, watch for at least two-third of the Knicks starting lineup to spontaneously combust during the third quarter of a game against the new-look Boston Celtics.

Which brings us back to Boston and Los Angeles. Mitch Kup-cake and Jim Buss, you’re on watch. Not just by Laker fans, but by fans of the NBA in general. You hold in your hands the ability to not only keep Kobe Bryant in "Purple and Gold", but to make the Lakers matter again. NBA fans want another Lakers vs. Celtics rivalry. Despite his bumbling ways, Danny Ainge held up his end of the burden. Now make it happen on your end, because players coming back from injury DOES NOT count as a personnel move.

Umm, we apologize for the Lakers diatribe. Where were we again?

The top ten players in the NBA, or David Stern is mad

David Stern is sitting in his pimped-out office at NBA headquarters on 645 Fifth Avenue in Manhattan, mere blocks from Radio City Music Hall and Rockefeller Center, contemplating the state of his beloved league. TV ratings for the NBA Finals are just about lower than reruns of the Tyra Banks Show, NBA referees were last seen buying helmets and shoulder-pads in preparation for the post-Donaghy era, one of his draft picks, Chinese sensation Yi Jianlian, seems to think that all Milwaukee residents ever do is milk cows and eat cheese and a rogue group of millionaires are intent on extraditing the Sonics franchise to Oklahoma City of all places. And, these problems only begin to scratch the surface of dilemmas on Stern’s, admittedly brilliant, mind.

Given this unyielding pressure, let’s assume that Stern finally snaps and calls a hasty press conference to announce that in order to add some much needed spice to the beleaguered league he is breaking up the NBA, declaring every player a free agent and instituting a draft, fantasy basketball-style, from a pool of all 490+ NBA players. The fantasy NBA draft, where the largest US markets by population will select in order, is set for Tuesday, August 28, 2007 (Stay with us people, this article is definitely going somewhere).

Who Would Isaiah Thomas Pick?

Following the announcement New York Knicks GM Isaiah Thomas throws the greatest party the world has ever seen – having in an instant rid himself of the horrible contracts, and equally appalling talent, that he’s so unskillfully amassed over the years. But, with the first pick of the NBA fantasy draft he then proceeds to pick oft-injured forward Chris Webber and immediately signs him to a 6 year contract worth a record $192 million.

“We were looking for versatility with our first pick and Chris Webber is THE most versatile power forward in the league today,” Thomas tells reporters. “I happened to see some game tape from when Chris played for the Golden State Warriors and I was completely sold! I ordered my assistant coaches to burn all of the subsequent footage of Chris’ games, because I had seen enough! As long as Chris can remember how many timeouts we have left, I feel we have the steal of the draft, at the first pick no-less.”

Simultaneously a massive splash is heard in the East River, as every single red-blooded New York Knicks fan jumps off the Brooklyn Bridge, incidentally setting a new Guiness World Record for the most people simultaneously jumping off bridges – the Los Angeles Lakers are on the clock.

The 2007 NBA Fantasy Draft

Given this scenario, as fanciful as the circumstances may sound, it got us thinking; If your franchise had a top ten pick in the 2007 NBA fantasy draft, where your owner could select any NBA player he chose, what would that draft look like? (Note: David Stern set the draft order based on the top ten US markets by population that also currently has an NBA franchise – so, no San Diego or San Jose).

Jerry Buss Drives Kobe Bryant Nuts

Stern walks out to the podium at Madison Square Garden. “With the 2nd pick the Los Angeles Lakers select Kobe Bryant.” After giving some thought to Dwayne Wade and LeBron James for about 2 seconds, the Lakers are more than content to bring their disgruntled superstar back into the fold. On both ends of the floor Kobe Bryant is a more skilled player than James or Wade – he’s a better shooter, better defender and a better clutch scorer. Yes, he’s older, but Kobe is still in his prime and the Lakers – the glamorous franchise that it is – wants to win now. Kobe Bryant, for his part, immediately goes on The Today Show, Larry King Live, Meet the Press, Inside the Actor’s Studio and American Idol, and asks to be traded. He even accepts a role in the next Will Farrell basketball-based movie where he ironically plays an NBA superstar asking to be traded.

With the 3rd pick the Chicago Bulls select LeBron James. Bulls GM John Paxon loves James’ unselfish play and his ability to physically overpower just about every other guard and most small forwards in the league. Besides, LeBron is certainly the leader in the clubhouse of over-exposed NBA superstars and fits right into that media-friendly role vacated by “his airness” Michael Jordan. After learning that Jordan’s number “23” is perpetually retired, LeBron successfully petitions the league to switch his jersey number to the roman numerals XXIII.

With the 4th pick the Houston Rockets select Tim Duncan. With Kobe Bryant and LeBron James off the board, the clear selection is the crazy bank-shooter from the Virgin Islands. Besides, Houston Rockets GM Daryl Morey takes a little pleasure in snagging the four-time NBA champion from their cross-state rivals the San Antonio Spurs. Duncan, for his part, is devastated by the move for having to leave his long-time friend David Robinson back in San Antonio. He takes up writing Haiku and hiking to get over the seemingly devastating pain and a hopelessly broken heart.

With the 5th pick the Philadelphia 76ers select Dwayne Wade. It feels like deja-vu all over again for Wade, who was originally picked 5th overall by the Miami Heat in the real NBA draft. The Philadelphia franchise for its part is ecstatic to bring in a superstar guard that doesn’t believe he’s playing within a black hole and actually acknowledges the other four players on the floor with him, and values the importance of practice – a unique player indeed!

Hassellhoff and Nowitzki in the same frontcourt?

With the 6th pick the Phoenix Suns select Dirk Nowitzki. As tempting as it must have been to draft Steve Nash in this spot, and not break up the good vibes they have going in the valley of the sun, Nowitzki and his versatile game is entirely too much to pass up at this pick – particularly given Nash’s advanced age. Phoenix likes shooters at every position, so what better anchor to a shooting team than a 7-footer who can light it up from anywhere on the floor. Nowitzki could not be more excited, as he pops in his latest David Hassellhoff CD and jumps into his drop-top convertible for the long road-trip from Dallas to Phoenix. (He’s German, give him a break)

With the 7th pick the San Antonio Spurs select Amare Stoudemire. Having lost out on the Tim Duncan sweepstakes, Spurs GM R.C. Buford looks to fill the void left at Power Forward. The surgically repaired knees are a bit of a concern, but given Stoudemire’s youth, he was graded slightly higher on the Spurs’ draft board than players like Gilbert Arenas, Kevin Garnett, Yao Ming, Tracy McGrady and Steve Nash. In the subsequent rounds – in a clear ploy to confuse Spurs fans and TV announcers everywhere -- Buford attempts to build the all-Stoudemire team by also drafting Damon Stoudamire and Salim Stoudamire to play alongside Amare.

With the 8th pick the Dallas Mavericks select Kevin Garnett. The choice for Mark Cuban came down to Garnett or young power forward stud Chris Bosh. Sure Bosh has the age thing going for him, but Cuban wants to win now. Garnett probably couldn’t lead a gaggle of ducks to water, but the seeming lack of leadership skills are perfectly counterbalanced by his unearthly rebounding and defense, heart and hustle. Besides, Mark Cuban has never heard of Chris Bosh, but he did see Garnett in that Adidas commercial where the NBA star freakishly appeared from inside some type of plant.

Spontaneous combustion and the all-NBA legend team

With the 9th pick the Detroit Pistons select Chris Bosh. Just missing out on Garnett, and with Steve Nash still sitting in the green room, the Pistons take one of the most exciting and talented young players in the NBA today. Bosh’s workmanlike game and team-first attitude is a perfect fit for the “motor city” and its clever GM Joe Dumars. Everyone is happy and all seems well, but as Bosh sits down to calculate the amount of actual tax dollars he’ll save in the US, as opposed to his last Canada-based team, his head spontaneously combusts and explodes into a thousand pieces. The Pistons are back on the clock.

With the 9th and a half pick the Detroit Pistons select Yao Ming. The Chinese population in Troy, Michigan couldn’t be more excited, and Yao Ming is thrilled right along with them. (How can you not like Yao Ming?)

With the 10th pick of the 2007 NBA fantasy draft the Indianapolis Pacers select Dwight Howard. With Carmelo Anthony, Steve Nash, Gilbert Arenas and Tracey McGrady still on the board, the Pacers go for a power forward, following the mantra that unless there’s a player at guard that is truly head-and-shoulders above the rest always select a big man. Overcome with excitement, Dwight Howard takes a running jump, reaches the top of Conseco Field House and puts a large life-size sticker of his smiling mug on the arena roof. Pacers GM Larry Bird announces that his team will no longer participate in the rest of the fantasy NBA draft, but will instead field a team with himself, and pals Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Hakeem Olajuwan, Charles Barkley, Reggie Miller, Kevin McHale, Patrick Ewing, Robert Parish, James Worthy and Dominic Wilkins around his young star.

Whether it’s age in the case of Steve Nash, health in the case of Tracy McGrady, poor shot selection in the case of Gilbert Arenas or the unusual personality and the lack of defense in the case of Carmelo Anthony, those four players were left out of the top ten in David Stern’s fantasy NBA draft. Teams went for size for sure, but outside of Chris Webber of course, we believe the players drafted would probably go in the same order if this type of draft were to happen in real life.

Disagree? (or agree). Post your comments now by clicking below.

In The News: August 24, 2007

Alan Houston, Charles Oakley, Scottie Pippen, are you all paying attention? Please take a cue from Reggie Miller and keep your old bones off the NBA hardwood. Miller told the Indianapolis Star today that after a lot of thought and 2-a-day workout sessions over the last several weeks he has decided against joining 3/12th of the 2008 Eastern Conference All-Star team in Boston. Good decision. Do we really need old hats like Oakley and Miller back in the NBA, laboring up and down the court, one spin move away from throwing out a back or pulling a hamstring? Let’s move on people, and welcome in new blood like Kevin Durant and Greg Oden. Sometimes, we’re too eager to hold on to the past, perhaps at the expense of embracing the future.

Fantasy Football a Corporate Nightmare!

Managers, are you reading this? Be prepared to deal with some serious dip in productivity over the next several months as your busy little employees turn their attention to fantasy football season. A recent report from Challenger, Gray and Christmas states that US employers could lose upwards of $430 million during each week of the 17-week NFL season from lost employee productivity. A separate study conducted last year found that more than 13 million people play some form of fantasy sports – and of those 13 million, 93% play fantasy football. Have you had your draft yet?

Team USA Deflowers Virgin Islands

Team USA beat the Virgin Islands by a score of 123-59 last night during the FIBA Americas Tournament. The defense intensity was great yet again. Superstars putting egos aside to come together as a team is an overplayed cliché, but this Team USA squad will apparently live by that mantra.

Stern & Co. Levy Hefty Fines on Millionaire

How much does it cost an NBA owner for honestly speaking his mind with a hometown newspaper? $250,000, apparently. The NBA has fined Seattle Sonics minority owner Aubrey McClendon exactly that amount for comments he made earlier this month to the Oklahoma Journal Record.

Lakers Lose One of Their Own

The Los Angeles Lakers family lost one of its own yesterday, as former coach Bill “Butch” Van Brenda Kolff died at the age of 84. Van Brenda Kolff coached the Lakers teams headlined by Jerry West in the 60s, and took the team to the NBA Finals in 1967 and 1969.